Do you ever get the feeling that you need a rest — but somehow it’s just not possible to take one?
Perhaps you have managed to clear a day in your diary or even get away on holiday, but that sense of time pressure does not lift, nor does the need to have “something to show” for your day. Your mind may not be full of work-related deadlines or tasks, but it is just as busily planning every aspect of your social life, your exercise routine, your outings, or the meals you will cook. Perhaps you have days when this feels like a full and active life — but perhaps there are also others when it all feels a bit bleak and doesn’t satisfy. Human beings do need rest.
We Even Need Rest from Good Times
Much has been written about the importance of sleep and sleep quality. Sleep hygiene advice is freely available and valuable. But resting when we are awake is another matter — one I find much more challenging.
I suspect that our 19th-century ancestors took this for granted and would have been astonished at the way we live. The physiological and psychological states of fight or flight would have been familiar to them, but they would have recognised the need to take a rest afterwards. They must, from time to time, have experienced the more extreme stress states that feel life-threatening — but they wouldn’t have thought you could live like that.
Research on flow states illustrates a cycle and flags the essential need for rest at two points. The first point is when you are facing a challenge that feels beyond you. At this stage, you need to step away completely and allow the mind to quieten, in whatever way works best for you. This phase of the cycle (the release phase) is necessary to move into the next phase — the flow state phase — and do whatever it is that you are tackling with effortlessness, richness of experience, loss of ego and altered perception of time. The second point (the recovery phase) follows the flow state. Here there is a need for complete rest — rest that is not time-bound but takes as long as it takes.
Without Rest
If we don’t allow ourselves to recover from demanding states — both positive and negative — the body’s self-righting, self-healing processes can’t kick into action. Eventually one of the so-called “functional” or “psychosomatic” health problems may turn up: back pain, migraine, irritable bowel, heartburn — or perhaps just chronic irritability or low mood. If we take no notice, or take them to the doctor’s surgery hoping someone else can sort them out for us, in due course the body will malfunction and a “proper” disease may appear.
What Does Rest Look Like?
Rest doesn’t mean lying in bed or watching TV, although both can be restful. Rest is purposeless — it has no goals or timescales, no usefulness or product. Paradoxically, the state is not just useful but necessary, and sometimes a product or insight simply appears. Rest can be active, but it is active in a playful way. There is no pressure to win. Fishing can be very restful — but not if you need to catch a fish.
Tai chi and yoga practised in the right way are both very restful. But if you focus on getting it right, making yourself more supple or achieving a meditative state, they aren’t restful.
Why Is It Hard to Rest?
One of the great assets of the human nervous system is that it is plastic. This is why we can go on growing and learning, adapting and changing throughout life. But neural development is a “use it or lose it” affair. The neural pathways that are not used are pruned back and eventually become hard to access. So if you don’t rest, you forget how to do it. Many of us have forgotten what rest feels like.
Allowing Ourselves to Rest Helps Others Too
If we could remember, we might also remember why rest is essential to a good life. Not just one that feels good, but one which holds the possibility of doing good. Living in a stressed or overwhelmed state affects others — colleagues, friends, family — because stress is infectious. It is much harder to relax and play when others are stressed, anxious or irritable. It is also not good for creativity, problem-solving or insight, so it becomes more difficult to participate constructively in solving some of the major challenges of our era.
Practise Resting
You may need to practise resting. To begin with, expect it to feel — at best — very challenging and, at worst, infuriating. You may find the process feels pointless. Maybe a friend who doesn’t take themselves too seriously and is convinced of the value of rest might be helpful. A hobby that stills the mind — making music, singing or gardening — can help, but not if it becomes a self-improvement project. A workshop, retreat or course can help kick-start the process, but it won’t solve the problem if you don’t keep practising. But do try — the rewards are very great indeed.
Radical Wholeness Workshops
If you would appreciate some help with this endeavour, you could try a Radical Wholeness weekend workshop, where rest is one of the core components we explore.
Radical Wholeness weekend workshops are coming up in the UK on:
If you have been to a workshop already and would like to revisit some of the ideas and practices, Radical Wholeness Alumni Days are being held on:
